


you’re enough, i promise you

by mermistia



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Gem Fusion, Post-Canon, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem Issues, bislapidot hours lads, kinda ig? post cym/movie at least, yes i want bismuth and lapis to fuse. no i didn’t give their fusion a name. we exist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:46:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22261282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mermistia/pseuds/mermistia
Summary: Fusion is a difficult subject to handle, but they’re working it out.
Relationships: Bismuth/Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe), Bismuth/Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe), Bismuth/Peridot (Steven Universe), Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 67





	you’re enough, i promise you

**Author's Note:**

> bislapidot good send tweet

“It’s okay.”

The words aren’t what she thought they’d be, and Lapis blinks as her mind registers them. 

Fusion. 

_Okay._

Half of her hadn’t really been expecting Bismuth to say yes. Fusion is such a strange thing for Lapis to offer that she isn’t really sure if she fully meant it, and she hugs herself a little, taking a shaking step backwards. 

“Are you sure?”

Bismuth squints down at her. “Are you?”

Now or never. 

It’s okay. 

Bismuth’s hand, reaching out for hers, holding unspoken words in its palm.

_You’ll be okay._

_I promise._

“I’m sure.”

And she is, so she takes Bismuth’s hand in her own and squeezes it tight, clinging onto her like a lifeline. It’s a small gesture, so casual to anyone else, but Lapis lets the touch flow through her, grounding her and filling her with everything that she’s learned how to feel. “I’m ready.”

Bismuth nods. “If you’re okay with this then- Peridot, you want to join us?”

She lets go of Bismuth’s hand. “Peridot?”

More. 

More fusion. 

More.

She always gets more than she wants. She’s never wanted _more._ Just _enough._

Lapis watches with nervous interest sparking inside her, eyes flitting from gem to gem before landing on Peridot, sitting a few feet away from them with her legs crossed and hands clasped together. 

Peridot freezes. “I- really?”

“I’d love you to,” the words fall from Lapis’ mouth before she can stop them. It’s not a lie; not really. She wants to fuse with Peridot. She’s wanted to for so long, to feel Peridot in that unusual, unknown way, to take her hand and make something new, something special for the both of them. Something entirely their own, free of mirrors or fear or any responsibilities, something that isn’t Earth or Homeworld, something that’s just _them._

But not yet. 

Not now. 

Not with this fear still resting inside of her.

It’s too much, and both Peridot and Bismuth seem to sense it. 

“She doesn’t have to,” Bismuth says, at the same time Peridot blurts out “I shouldn’t.” The words mix in the air, mingling together and lacing confusion through all three of them as they stand there in an awkward silence. 

“One at a time?” Lapis whispers, and it’s so soft and afraid that she’s not sure that they even heard it. A breath of relief escapes her when they both nod, smiling gently, and Bismuth stretches out her hand again, more tentatively this time. 

“One at a time,” she says, and Lapis takes her hand with a confidence that’s stronger than she realised she had. 

“Let’s dance.”

A rush of air flies past her, and Lapis’ head spins a little as she’s pulled into Bismuth’s arms, held safe and secure with her hand tracing the lines of Bismuth’s tattoo, sketching across the skin before she pulls away. She’s still not used to dancing; there’s never really been much for her to dance about. But that’s changed now, so much has changed now, and she lets the movement take her as she spins, arms flying out around her and hair brushing against her face, only barely aware of Bismuth’s presence somewhere behind her. 

She slides to the left. 

Back to the middle.

She slides to the right.

And her hand comes into contact with Bismuth’s chest, sudden and unexpected and so perfect that she couldn’t have planned it better if she’d tried. 

Bismuth smiles, and Lapis lets herself smile too, leaning into the touch. 

She can feel Peridot’s eyes watching them with an emotion that she can’t quite place.

She can feel the movement of Bismuth’s form underneath her fingertips. 

She can feel _everything,_ everything that she’s ever been afraid of, everything that she’s ever wanted, everything that lies in the unknown. 

And it doesn’t hurt. 

This time, it doesn’t hurt. 

So she lets it happen. 

Her eyes close and her body becomes light and she feels the distinct sensation of a new gem somewhere on her body, a gemstone on her front as a perfect mirror image to the one on her back. 

Then she disappears. 

She’s not Lapis anymore, and the feeling of it is as if she’s floating on air. The solidness of Bismuth’s body still lingers on the palm of her hand, but Bismuth isn’t there anymore, isn’t still next to her with messy hair and a warm smile. 

They’re together in a different way now. 

They’re light, held together by love. 

Two pairs of eyes open.

Blue, with the depths of the ocean glittering inside of them. 

And rainbow, a mix of more colours than can be counted, blinking slowly. 

A flash of light, a panicked voice, and everything becomes too much. Lapis reaches out for Bismuth, her mind flailing desperately for support, and a softness settles over her when Bismuth reaches back, holding her mentally in a way that she can’t with her arms. 

Lapis breathes. 

She wants it to stop. 

She wants it to last forever. 

“ _Bismuth._ ” The voice isn’t her own. She doesn’t know if she likes it or not. Hair falls down over her shoulders, longer than her own hair ever was, and she bats it away with a gasp, gripping her own arms tightly. “Lapis- are you okay? _No. Yes. This is—_ ”

“Lapis?”

She whirls around, still gripping her arms, lips parted as she takes in the sight before her. Peridot, crouched down slightly, eyes full of concern. “Peridot. _Peridot._ ”

Peridot smiles weakly, letting out a shuddering breath, and Lapis feels her panic die down as Peridot takes the fusion’s hand in her own. “Lapis. What do you want to do?”

“ _I want it to stop now,_ ” she says, and it does. Bismuth pulls away and Lapis feels it as they tear apart, splitting in two and lying out of breath on the ground, fingers still laced together. 

There’s a pause, like none of them are quite sure what to say. 

And then she’s laughing, eyes filling with tears, and she rolls into Bismuth’s arms and holds her tight, legs kicking out happily. “I did it!” 

“You did it,” Bismuth says, and Lapis grins as the words ring in her head. 

_You did it._

_You did it._

_I’m so proud of you,_ is what she wants to hear next, and it happens almost immediately.

“You did so well,” Bismuth smiles, and Lapis lets another laugh escape her, burying her face into Bismuth’s chest as she smiles. 

“I did! I really- I actually did it. I _fused!_ Can we do it again? I want to practice more... just maybe in little steps,” she says, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “Nothing too much. But that was amazing, I could really feel you, I could feel _everything-_ Peridot, what did you think?”

“You were pretty,” Peridot says, and Lapis’ heart drops at the words. They’re so small, so broken, and Peridot is staring resolutely at the ground, refusing to look up for more than a split second. “You guys... go well together.”

“We _all_ go well together,” Lapis says, stretching her hand out towards Peridot’s.

“I don’t know if we do.” Peridot pulls away, wrapping her arms around herself, and her face scrunches up as she forces her eyes to lock onto Lapis’. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be.” Lapis drops to the floor, patting the ground beside her. She knows how to handle this. She’s sure she does. She’s on top of the world right now, and she wants Peridot to be right up there with her. One of her hands in Bismuth’s, one of her hands in Peridot’s, and they’ll all be okay. She knows it. She knows how to do this. “What’s wrong? Talk to us.”

Bismuth makes a noise of agreement, sitting down beside her. “We’re here, Peridot.”

Another pause, a war of emotions flickering across Peridot’s face before acceptance wins out. She sits, legs crossed awkwardly and arms still hugging herself, shuffling away from the contact that Lapis tries to offer. “I don’t want to ruin this.”

“Ruin what?”

“Your fusion,” Peridot says, and everything comes spilling out. “I’m... proud of you, Lapis. I am. I mean, you _fused!_ And after everything! After Jasper, I really didn’t know if you’d be able to- but you did. And that’s great. You’re ready. ...But what if I’m not?”

Lapis bites her lip. “If you’re not...”

“Ready for fusion,” Bismuth finishes.

“You will be,” Lapis starts, but she only gets halfway through the sentence before it’s cut off, tears filling Peridot’s eyes at the words. “Maybe one day you’ll-”

“I won’t.” Peridot whispers. She’s so scared, so little, gripping herself tighter and tighter until her nails start to leave dents in her skin. “I don’t want to fuse, Lapis. But you do now. We don’t match anymore. I’m not right for you.”

Lapis stops. “Can I touch you?”

It’s a risky question, she knows, but it’s one she needs to ask. She needs to be there; to hold Peridot tight, to let Peridot lean against her. To be there for her physically, because she’s so scared that her words won’t be enough. That nothing she says will make it better, that she’ll only make things worse because that’s all she ever does. She wants to fix this: to help. She knows how to do it. But there’s that flicker of fear inside of her, that terror that maybe she knows nothing. Maybe she can’t help. She can’t make anything better. Her words won’t be enough. So she needs to be there, to ground Peridot and guide her through this with soft touches and shaking hands. “Can I touch you, Peridot?”

Peridot lets out a breath, biting her lip furiously before nodding, and Lapis shuffles over to her side and wraps an arm around her shoulders. 

“We match, Peridot.”

“But we-”

“We match, because I want us to. We’re both Crystal Gems.”

“We’re _all_ Crystal Gems,” Peridot says dryly, and Bismuth snorts, coming up to sit on Peridot’s other side. 

“We both have pants now,” Lapis says. “That’s a thing.”

“You can’t keep a relationship together based on each member’s ownership of pants, Lazuli.”

“Why not?”

“Because that doesn’t prove our compatibility!”

Lapis grins. “What would prove it, then?”

“We like the same shows, we make meep morps or... _art_ together.”

“Still not keen on the word art, huh?” Bismuth says with a laugh. 

“She’s had to start using it in classes because the humans don’t know what meep morp means.” Lapis snorts. 

“That’s another thing!” Peridot whirls to face Lapis, a hand in the air with a finger pointed up. “We do classes together! And we actually manage to _teach!_ Which Amethyst says is impressive considering our _flirting._ ”

“Don’t like the word flirting either, Peri?” Bismuth wraps an arm around Peridot’s waist, squeezing her gently. 

“Amethyst’s just jealous because we can flirt better than her.”

“That’s not true.” Peridot rolls her eyes. “She’s good at flirting with Pearl.”

“Pearl’s easy to fluster though.” Bismuth pulls Peridot onto her lap, running a hand through her hair and playing with the edge of her visor. “Trust me, I know.”

“Oh, you’re cheating on us?” Lapis’s hand flies to her heart, and a shriek of laughter falls from her lips when Bismuth reaches out to pull her in too, sitting her right next to Peridot in her lap. 

“Rude,” Peridot agrees. Her eyes shift from Bismuth to Lapis, and she smiles at them for a few seconds before leaning forwards to wrap an arm around each of them, holding them close and letting tears drip down her face freely. “Thank you.”

“You belong with us, Peridot,” Lapis says, a pressure coming to rest on her back as Bismuth’s arms encircle her. It’s a familiar feeling, a constant comfort that she can always rely on to be there, and she reaches out to make sure that Peridot feels it too. “Always.”

“Even without fusion?”

“Even without fusion,” Bismuth’s voice is low, soft and certain as she puts assurance into her words, and Lapis watches as Peridot’s body shakes with relief. 

“We love you,” she whispers, and Peridot echoes it back, like it’s something she’s needed to hear but she’s been so scared to ask for. 

“ _I love you._ ”

**Author's Note:**

> we love some reassurance and self acceptance 🥰 
> 
> i’m @mermistia on tumblr, or @bislapidot if u wanna follow my blog dedicated specifically to these nerds


End file.
